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Ladies, You Are Single Until Death!

Updated: May 13, 2023

I recently conducted a poll on Instagram asking people at what point they no longer consider themselves single, a) when seriously dating, b) when in a relationship, c) when engaged, or d) when married.

The results varied greatly, and there was no consistency amongst gender. But ladies, I suggest to you that you are single until you die! I know this is a long stretch for most women who believe they are no longer single once they are in a relationship, or seriously dating someone. But this is not true, Sis.

YOU ARE SINGLE UNTIL YOU DIE! What am I talking about? You spent or will spend an exorbitant amount of money on the wedding of your dreams. You wore or will wear a dress that made you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world as you walked down the aisle to your knight in shining armor, and said “I do” to your best friend. How could you possibly be single?

It is taking some longer than expected to get married. You will flaunt your ring with pride, and immediately change your last name on social media before the reception is over to show you are no longer single.

Welp ladies, I’m glad to be the one to break it to you. “Single” does not indicate only your relationship status.

In my bouts of singleness, I used to long for companionship. I used to ask God why I was still single when it seemed like everyone around me (on social media) was getting married. I wondered when my husband was going to find me. Not just because I was lonely. But because I had so many plans for me and my husband. Plans to buy a house and a financial plan to become debt free.

After listening to a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes, I noticed being a hopeful romantic was detrimental to my mantra - live your best life. Somewhere I got the idea that you’re supposed to buy your first house with your spouse, be a power couple and build a financially secured dynasty. While I still believe the latter is a true statement, this type of delayed planning suggests a deficiency. (Married women, stick with me. I’m getting to you).

At the time the light bulb went off, I was pushing 30 and still single, with no prospects. I thought to myself, why do I have to wait for a husband to buy a house and be financially secure.... and the answer was, “I don’t.” At that moment I redefined “singleness.”

“Single” is not only an indication of relationship status. It means you are whole and LACK NOTHING! There is inside you all of the potential to be whatever you want to be. Invest in yourself and create a life you love. Thrive in your singleness!

This holds true even after you say “I do.” Women, by nature, are nurturers. And as a result, give endlessly to their families. Ladies, you are more than a wife and a mother. You are YOU! You have to continue to “Thrive in Your Singleness” even after the relationship, marriage, and babies.

Even if you don’t have a family of your own, I’m sure there are people/relationships and organizations/committees to whom you give yourself. Investing in yourself will allow you to recharge. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

So how do you invest in yourself? How do you thrive in your singleness? Below are my suggestions. This list is in no way exhaustive. Feel free to comment below and let me know how you thrive.

1. Learn something new/Set goals

Never stop growing. You should always have a goal you are working on. It doesn’t have to be a huge career goal. It could be a personal goal, e.g., be more pleasant, and have more patience. Start a new business. If you don’t need to know where to start, hire a business coach.

2. Go to therapy

GO TO THERAPY! I am a life coach, not a therapist. There are some areas of your life I won’t be able to assist with. I know you think you have everything under control, but you don’t! Seek help with healing in a healthy way. (Psychology Today is a good place to find a therapist). You can’t thrive if you have baggage weighing you down.

3. Date yourself

Buy a new outfit. Get dressed up. Put on some perfume and wine and dine yourself. Go to the movies. Sit in the park. Take yourself to a restaurant. Do whatever you want to do BY YOURSELF!

When you take yourself on a date, you don’t have to worry about anyone getting on your nerves, sitting across the table from someone you dislike just for a free meal, or whether your date wants sex later.

Enjoy some time alone time, doing what you want to do.

4. Do more of what you love

What is that one thing that you love to do but haven’t had time to do (finish the book you started)? Whatever it is, do more of it! I know you are busy. But you have to make yourself a priority! If you like to read, maybe you can’t get through a whole book like you used to, but start with one page a day and build from there.

5. Create a self-care routine

By now, most people understand the importance of self-care, yet not everyone does it. I think that’s because we think it has to be something extravagant or expensive, like a trip to an island or a spa day. If you can do that, great. But your self-care routine should also consist of daily action. Take the first hour of each day to yourself (and God). Pray, meditate, and state positive affirmations, or whatever you need to do to set a positive tone for the day.

6. Journal

We all have our besties that we call when we need to vent. But sometimes sharing isn’t best. Take 30-45 minutes each day to unload. Your journal won’t judge you or give you unsolicited advice!

Remember, never stop growing, because you are “single” until you die. Thrive in your singleness, Sis


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