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How to Be More Assertive (Without Being Rude)

Have you ever felt like you swallowed your words in a situation where you should have spoken up? Maybe you disagreed with a decision at work but kept quiet, or you felt uncomfortable with something a friend said but didn't voice your concern. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone.


How to be more assertive

The truth is, many of us weren't exactly given a crash course in assertiveness growing up.  As children, our opinions weren't always solicited, and sometimes expressing them was even seen as disrespectful. Anyone ever hear, "Children should be seen and not heard"?  Parents often swoop in to fix problems before we have a chance to advocate for ourselves, and some of us (myself included!) naturally tend towards shyness.


So, the expectation to magically transform from a quiet child into a self-assured adult who effortlessly speaks their mind?  A bit unrealistic, wouldn't you say?

Here's the good news:  Assertiveness is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned.  If you struggle to express yourself confidently, don't blame yourself. You simply weren't equipped with the tools you needed.  The even better news?  You're here now, and you're ready to take charge.

Before we dive into actionable steps, let's address a common misconception: assertiveness is not rudeness.  You have every right to express your needs and opinions, and assertiveness is about doing so in a way that's respectful and clear.


shy woman

Now, onto the good stuff! Here are 5 steps to becoming a master of assertive communication:


1. Identify Your Fears: The first step is understanding what holds you back.  Are you worried about being seen as rude?  Do you fear rejection or conflict?  Once you pinpoint your concerns, you can begin to dismantle them.  Remember, you're not responsible for how others perceive you, only for delivering your message with respect.


2. Craft Clear and Concise Communication: Articulate your thoughts and feelings directly.  Instead of vague statements like "I don't feel comfortable," try "I would prefer if..." or "I would appreciate it if..." Being specific avoids confusion and ensures your message is heard.


3. Embrace "I" Statements: "I feel frustrated when..." is a much more constructive approach than accusatory statements like "You always..." "I" statements focus on your own experience, minimizing defensiveness in the other person.


confident woman

4. Body Language Matters: Maintain good posture, make eye contact, and speak in a firm, clear voice.  Nonverbal cues project confidence and reinforce your message.


5. Practice Makes Progress: Start small!  Assertiveness doesn't have to involve high-stakes situations.  Practice expressing your preferences with a friend or colleague.  The more you speak up, the more comfortable you'll become.


Remember, becoming assertive is a journey, not a destination.  Be patient with yourself, celebrate your victories (no matter how small), and don't be afraid to raise your voice (figuratively, of course!). You deserve to be heard.

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